Midnight post

Okay this is so not a midnight post. Its freaking 2.46 in the morning and I couldn't sleep. Maybe because of all these things I've been thinking about. Shall I say good morning then? *Ok ni tak berkaitan
So I've been going through my phone, and I found this. Okay la,not actually found,it's just there kan cuma I was going through and this brought back tears ;

  "Hmm. Suka hati u lah nak cakap apa. Apa remove remove yg u cakap ni ok la fine if you said so then be it la........................................"

And so forth. I need not to tell more. Thinking back, I really shouldn't act like that. I was freaking acting like a freaking retard. A retard kid to be precise. I should be more of a grow up person if I wanted to be treated like one. I feel like letting out the truth tonight. Shall I be in a great trouble? I might not care in the moment. So just let me be. I was being pushed to answer something I can't predict ; the future. Whoever could? I'm completely confused than ever. I don't even know myself well. Let alone to make a decision wise enough. And being pushed like that, I was completely uncontrolled. But truthfully, I was hurt. What I said may hurt you, but it hurt me more than you know. You may be stunned to hear what a girl like me could say but you didn't know that I myself was even shocker than anybody else. That was so not me. So here I am, sitting in front of the screen, hoping that somehow the wind, the stars or anything else would help on letting you know, I really really am sorry for what I said. I should have ended us in a proper way but I didn't. And I want you to know there was never a pretend. I was being true to myself and to you. I'm just to messed up to say anything. I'm not hoping for you to magically somehow open this page and the truth reveals and somehow things go well. No, I don't expect that at all. I expect you to move forward because I know you are better off without me. Should we encounter in the future, I do hope you don't hate me but I know that wouldn't be easy. Surely you already have that deep hatred inside of you. I am so sorry. I could never make you happy anyway. Seeing you happy now glads me. Weird kan?

You want to know something? At times, I do feel the temptations to text you. Whatsapp to be precise. But I just don't know how to start the conversation. I wanted to say I'm sorry,that's all but I can't seem to find the way on how to do it. It sucks but I'll live. You'll live as well. I just know that. All I hope now is that you forgive me for my wrongdoings. I've been mean. Yes, I did. Sorry,

Truly~
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